**Breaking news** HURRICANE SHAZZA
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 On the Richter scale hit Elizabeth in the early hours of Friday with its epicenter in Elizabeth Way, Elizabeth.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately $30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Salisbury Riots were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many Locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.
The Elizabeth local paper reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Elizabeth.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason slept through it all."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers and West End beer to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, jewellery from Kmart, and bone china from Big W.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, work boots, stubbies shorts or any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: microwave meals, baked beans, pop dogs, ice cream, chips, fizzy drinks.
Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25's and a cigarette lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
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HANDPICKED 2008!!
Date: Saturday, March 22, 2008
Time: 2:30pm - 11:00pm
Where: Traeger St., Loxton number 2 Oval, South Australia.
MORE INFORMATION:
Headlined by Aussie rockers Rose Tattoo. Featuring Overdrive, Sector 7G, Terminal Thrill, Atlas Nowhere, Jackson Firebird (Mildura), Holly Weinert (ex Aussie Idol contestant) and Legless (Adelaide)! Featuring throughout the day will be Dj Sarez.
- gates open 2.30pm first band 3pm. - stay tuned for the stage timetable.
- licensed, no BYOs.
- Food stalls and merch tent.
- Pass outs available on the day.
After party information to be added, watch this space!
TICKETS AVAILABLE NOW!!!
Text "tix" to: 0409845001
OR pick up from the Loxton Hotel reception. $35.00. UNDER 14s FREE (with an adult).
AND IF ALL THAT ISN'T ENOUGH...
Following the festival, $5 from every ticket will be donated to the corresponding Riverland hospital of the ticket holder. If the ticket holder is from out of town, the donation will be made to Austism SA, VIC or NSW, depending on their origin.
"This year Legless celebrate Easter with Rose Tattoo in the South Australian Riverlands town of Loxton. Legless are no strangers to this town, having recently performed at the Loxton Hotel. The girls are looking forward to catching up with all their Adelaide Hills and Riverland friends and fans. They are also huge fans of Rose Tattoo and are planning on getting legless with Angry and the boys well into the night at the afterparty!"
Music - Rose Tattoo. Holly Weinert - ex Australian Idol contestant. Legless - Adelaide, all girl Punk band. Sector 7G - Loxton metal band, now a 3 piece. Jackson Firebird - Mildura. Atlas Nowhere - Riverland Battle of the Band winners for 2006. Overdrive - Riverland Battle of the Band winners for 2007. Terminal Thrill.